Adhikara (Studentship)

learningToday I choose to live from a place of learning, rather than acting from a place of knowing.  I’d like to learn with you, from you.  I’d like us to learn together.

I spent a lot of my life not feeling good enough.  And so now that I finally do, most of the time, feel good enough, I want to show everybody how much I know… because there is an old story about worth being tied to amassed knowledge.  Remnants of this old story hang in cobweb tendrils sometimes still tangling my words and actions.  Remnants of this old story tell me that in order to be Good Enough, I have to be Better Than.  In order to be Better Than, I have to Know things.  Lots of things.  In order to be recognized in my field, I have to have Answers (that nobody else has thought of before.)  I know these are old stories, but when the storylines are so familiar, sometimes I find myself going down those old paths.  And then I sometimes sound like an ass.

All those around me encourage me to write.  Writing is one of the things that has always come naturally to me, and even gives me a great deal of pleasure.  I’ve had writer’s block for almost a year… pretty much since I wrote my last piece.  I want to create the perfect, tidy package of inspirational and insightful words.  I want to wow you with my wisdom, wit and experience.  So I don’t write anything, because that bar is kind of high.

Instead, I’m going to write as I learn, and learn as I go… And maybe some words, phrases or even whole paragraphs will resonate with you.  Perhaps if you are looking for a tidy package of answers you can unwrap, this journey, our journey may not be for you.  Not right now.  But really, Its not about you.  This is for me… This is about the practice of Doing, instead of just talking about doing.  This is about my recommitment to Authentically showing up and figuring it out as I go…

So for REAL, this time… More writing to come!

Love,

Michelle

ps: If you want a peek into what inspires me, I like to write while listening to Amazing music. Tonight it is Ayla Nereo’s new album Hollow Bones.